Saturday, April 18, 2015

What Is Your Must?

Talking about myself isn't my strong suit.  I've always been more interested in what other people are doing and experiencing.  Maybe that’s why I started blogging (off and on) a few years ago.  I came to the realization that my way of moving through the world wasn’t working anymore.  I forced myself to open up and decided I didn't care what people thought anymore.  I had to push through the inevitable judgment of others because the urge to express myself was taking all my energy to suppress. Was I scared to step out on the ledge? No.  I was terrified. 

Fast forward to last Thursday.  I was on the treadmill at the gym listening to one of the podcasts I LOVE called TheUnmistakable Creative.  Elle Luna talks about being at the crossroads of “Should and Must”; discerning between the things in life you believe you should do and the things you must do.  Click HERE to listen to the episode.  It pretty much blew my mind.  It was an articulate explanation of all the thoughts and feelings I’d been experiencing over the last five years.  I’m not going to lie to you:  I cried.  I think it was the movement on the treadmill coupled with the emotion of relief.  My former self would have resisted the feelings, but I decided to accept the sadness and determined I would try to keep it together until I could get to the car.  Once I sat in my car, I lost it; went into the ugly cry.  You know the one.  I cried for the woman I had been.  All the energy wasted on doing what I should do, all the while wishing I could be doing something else. Then I apologized to myself for denying my calling, for not fighting for it and instead just accepting what others wanted for me.  I blame NO ONE.  I made all the decisions that got me to this point in life.  In fact, Danny has always been supportive of everything I ever pursued.  It was my fear that kept me stuck.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  Fear of judgment.

Why am I telling you this?  To let you know it’s never too late to start making the right choices.  Life is made up of a lot of seemingly small choices, but ultimately they add up to a huge result.  What is it that you feel you must do?  What small choice can you make today to help you move closer to your must?   It’s funny, but once you start moving toward your heart’s desire things start happening.  It may be slow at times but staying committed is essential. 

The other day I heard someone say, “God can’t steer a parked car.”  It was an offhand remark but it stuck with me.    I can’t tell you how many times I've sat in a parked car wondering why God isn't helping me.  Bottom Line : You have to keep moving forward.   You may not have a map for where you’re going, so take out your compass and press the gas.  I’ll be in the lane next to you.